GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
