What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
