I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
