Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
