i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
