Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
