I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it's like iHOP with fire
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
