Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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