Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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