I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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