I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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