so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
