A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
