I bet he comes in French.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
