Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
