There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
