literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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