HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
