i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
