***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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