Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
