gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
