i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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