he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
