Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
