what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
