allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
