I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
