Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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