Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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