she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
