A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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