Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
