decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
