What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
