Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
