VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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