I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
