Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
