Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
