So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
