Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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