Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Someone signed my nipple.
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