My room smells like vodka and shame
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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