You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
