I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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