Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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