guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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