I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
