Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
