I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
