Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
