All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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