the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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