I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
