she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
