I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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