is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
