we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
