Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
