i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
