Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
