Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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