this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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