I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
