You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
