I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
