I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
