Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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