Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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