So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
