Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
