If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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