How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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