I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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