The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
