Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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