Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
