just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
