we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize