My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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