I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
sarcasm needs its own font
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
