filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
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