There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
