I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
