Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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