did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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