I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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