So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
