i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
