I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
