apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
