Small penises have feelings too.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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